Wow. 40 days is a really, really, really long time.
I can't believe that were just barely over half way done with this crazy Lent experiment. It feels like forever.
Here's what I really miss: eggs, salt, bread, cereal, milk, and chocolate. I'm surprised to find that I'm not really craving meat that much. I also really miss variety. I miss cooking. I miss looking forward to meals.
18 days left. That's exactly 3 weeks (since the 3 Sundays are freebies). 3 more Mondays. 3 more Tuesdays. 3 more Wednesdays... you get the idea. sigh.
This morning I read about Jesus going 40 days in the desert without eating anything. sheesh. What struck me was that Satan came and tempted him right at the end, when he was almost done. But then when it was over, not only did he enjoy good food, but his ministry started with a major bang.
So far, Kyle and I haven't seen any of the major breakthroughs that we are praying for. I'm specifically praying for certain things to happen in several people's lives, and so far results have been very limited. But we're not done yet. Some good things have happened. One lady was healed of Typhoid fever. One little girl's nightmares went away. In the past couple weeks, 5 new families have started checking out the church.
God has really been challenging the way that Kyle and I think about some things. He's opening our eyes to read some parts of the Bible in a new light. He's enlarging our perspective. It's been challenging, but good.
Several years ago, before we moved to Mexico, Kyle and I decided to fast solid food for 3 days before a conference. We decided sugar-free gum was okay. Immediately after that, we went to a conference. I had one of the most profound and powerful spiritual experiences I've ever had. I can still point to that event and say- God changed my life. He took away all my fear. I wouldn't be in Mexico today if that hadn't happened.
I know that fasting had power. It's an enlightening and worthwhile practice. It's just not very fun. I am anticipating Easter. So is Ethan.
"Mommy, when we're done fasting, will you make me: noodles, ice cream, cereal, eggs, chicken, meat, muffins, cake..."
Random reflections from life church planting in Mexico
Monday, March 19, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Favorite Animal
He knows how to open Daddy's ipad and find the PeakaBoo Barn app.
He has 3 new words, which makes the total number of actual words that he sort of says 4.
Hot. uuuP (lots of emphasis on the p). eeeeg (cheers). He says this while holding his spoon up waiting for someone to tap their spoon to his.
He's getting much better with a spoon. He can scoop small potatoes and strawberries. He has been using his left hand almost exclusively with the spoon. I guess we might have 2 lefties?
August LOVES to eat. I get mad at my neighbor for giving him cookies right before a meal, but he still eats his entire meal, even after the cookies! He loves vegetables just as much as sweeter foods.
I can't remember if I've mentioned his poop mystery, but the mystery continues. He's been making bowel movements 3-6x/ day. It's a lot. I get pretty sick of dealing with that much poop. We finally got a stool sample taken. Results: not lactose intolerant (whoo hoo!), no parasites. That's great news, but we still don't know what the deal is. He also has a cold right now. Yuck.
This is a fun age. He loves to mimic what we do. In addition to rooster noises, he will growl for dinosaurs, touch his nose when asked, make car noises with toy cars, and do a horse sigh on command. Super cute.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
What do we deserve?
I had a crummy day yesterday. After a busy week, I happily anticipated our Monday down time. Day off. Relax. Maybe read a little. Maybe take a nap. Nowhere we needed to be. Nothing we needed to do.
August woke up at 5:50am.
Since Sunday is our free day from our Lent fast each week, Monday morning, we were pretty much out of acceptable food. So, August and I went to the market. We took out our trash and the church's trash. I cooked up the week's worth of beans and washed the vegetables. When Ethan and Kyle came downstairs a little later, I went to the little express grocery store for a few other items.
At 9am, I'd already been up, on my feet for 3 hours. Not much of a break. That's about when my attitude started to head south, focusing on Kyle. Who does he think he is flipping on cartoons for Ethan while drifting back in and out of sleep himself? Why should I be the one who has to get up and do things? Why is August my responsibility before 7? All these thoughts keyed around 1 main point: Today, I deserve a day off.
The funny thing is, I didn't even really enjoy the time I did have. I spent a good chunk of the day playing Angry Birds, being annoyed at everyone, and wishing I could have some chocolate.
Actually, Kyle was helpful with the kids most of the day. He had the right attitude: relax and take the day as it comes.
I wonder... what would yesterday have looked like for me if I would have dropped the "I deserve" attitude? The more I work with poor people, the more convinced I am that we don't deserve anything. I haven't done anything to deserve health, prosperity, or happiness. Neither has anyone else. Everything we have is a gift. In Mexico, the second that a giveaway becomes a right to the receiver instead of a blessing, the outreach gets ugly. We constantly have to be aware of that when giving things away. How do we frame this as the gift it is?
God doesn't owe me anything. The world doesn't owe me anything. Fasting is such a good reminder of that. Fasting stinks. But happiness is a choice. The Bible says godliness with contentment is great gain. We can pick to be content with what we have and where we are and what we're going through- instead of being angry or frustrated about what we want and don't have.
I'm really thankful for what fasting is reminding me. I'm thankful for the incredible variety available to us. I'm grateful for the life I've been given to live. Jesus constantly tried to get the disciples to stop focusing on food so much and focus in on what God was doing. That's my goal. I'm failing miserably so far. But that's what I'm hoping for today.
August woke up at 5:50am.
Since Sunday is our free day from our Lent fast each week, Monday morning, we were pretty much out of acceptable food. So, August and I went to the market. We took out our trash and the church's trash. I cooked up the week's worth of beans and washed the vegetables. When Ethan and Kyle came downstairs a little later, I went to the little express grocery store for a few other items.
At 9am, I'd already been up, on my feet for 3 hours. Not much of a break. That's about when my attitude started to head south, focusing on Kyle. Who does he think he is flipping on cartoons for Ethan while drifting back in and out of sleep himself? Why should I be the one who has to get up and do things? Why is August my responsibility before 7? All these thoughts keyed around 1 main point: Today, I deserve a day off.
The funny thing is, I didn't even really enjoy the time I did have. I spent a good chunk of the day playing Angry Birds, being annoyed at everyone, and wishing I could have some chocolate.
Actually, Kyle was helpful with the kids most of the day. He had the right attitude: relax and take the day as it comes.
I wonder... what would yesterday have looked like for me if I would have dropped the "I deserve" attitude? The more I work with poor people, the more convinced I am that we don't deserve anything. I haven't done anything to deserve health, prosperity, or happiness. Neither has anyone else. Everything we have is a gift. In Mexico, the second that a giveaway becomes a right to the receiver instead of a blessing, the outreach gets ugly. We constantly have to be aware of that when giving things away. How do we frame this as the gift it is?
God doesn't owe me anything. The world doesn't owe me anything. Fasting is such a good reminder of that. Fasting stinks. But happiness is a choice. The Bible says godliness with contentment is great gain. We can pick to be content with what we have and where we are and what we're going through- instead of being angry or frustrated about what we want and don't have.
I'm really thankful for what fasting is reminding me. I'm thankful for the incredible variety available to us. I'm grateful for the life I've been given to live. Jesus constantly tried to get the disciples to stop focusing on food so much and focus in on what God was doing. That's my goal. I'm failing miserably so far. But that's what I'm hoping for today.
Friday, March 2, 2012
A Beautiful Night
I imagine that most mothers, like me, find themselves constantly facing self-doubt, especially after any decision. I have been questioning our Lent experiment. Yesterday and today were particularly rough. All morning, as I excitedly shopped with a fantastic team of Duluth ladies for an impacting outreach, in the back of my mind I pictured the silver trays of food that always accompany short term team visits.
It was worse when those trays materialized: meaty burritos with oodles of guacamole and corn smothered in butter and salt. I almost cracked. I came up with a dozen different arguments about why in this one instance it would be okay to give in. The boys ate a lot. I'm not being strict with them at all in public. If someone gives Ethan a sucker, I don't try to tell him not to eat it. That seems cruel. We just don't have suckers at home.
Yesterday and this morning, I imagined that my little men were wasting away, deprived by their radical, crazed mother insisting on a drastic vegan diet. Never mind that at last week's check up, both boys were well into the 90th percentiles in both height and weight. Never mind that my strong, healthy boys are so big, they don't even show up on the Mexican growth chart.
I let August have an Oreo with the team as lunch was ending. He had chocolate cookie smeared all over his face as only a toddler can. It smelled so incredibly good. Then he did the unimaginable. Instead of asking for another cookie, he reached for my kiwi. And after that bite, some of my salt-free vegetable soup that seemed to me such a poor substitute for guacamole smothered burritos. This morning at breakfast, he and Ethan both heartily ate an entire bowl full each.
I feel like the king in Daniel, suddenly surprised at the healthy looking young men who'd refused steak, wine, and fancy cheeses. This evening brought incredible freedom. My boys are healthy and strong. I made it past the mouth watering tortilla wrapped temptation. I remembered that I can eat frozen corn. It was a good night.
Friday nights are 1 of only 2 nights a week we usually spend at home. Ethan went outside to play with his friend. August wandered around doing Augusty things while I read a book. He played with some toy cars. He took a few pots out of the cupboard. He watched his brother play. Kyle, ipad in hand, sat in between on the couch. With his curly hair and beard, he was only missing a pipe and a tweed jacket with leather elbow pads to complete the perfect professorial archetype.
Later, I followed August to the backyard where we have a little plastic slide. Tiki would slide down into my lap. Then August would slide after him, landing in a pile of soft baby skin and fur. Again and again. August is so soft and kissable. He's just the right mix of tubby and strong.
I thought my heart my burst with pride when Ethan came home. His friend, "H", ran up to explain how a mean older girl slapped Ethan across the face when he refused to pick up her garbage. Ethan, cheek still red, came in with total dignity. He didn't tattle. He didn't whine. He didn't hit her back. He took his hit like a man.
Then he joined the slide game. Tiki first, Ethan on top of that, August finally lumbering up the ladder, awkwardly sitting at the top of the slide, then slowly, cautiously easing himself into gravity's hands, and landing in a lump on top of his brother, already shrieking with laughter.
It was such a beautiful moment. I willed the sun to stay up just a little longer. Kyle had to come turn on the back light before we came finally inside. As for man, his days are like the grass. They flourish like a flower of the field. The wind blows over it, and it is gone. It's place remembers it no more. I wish that I could keep tonight. I wish I could always feel August's soft cheek against my nose and Ethan's arms draped around my neck sighing, "Mommy, I love you up to the moon." I wish I could push a button and relive that moment any time I want. What am I going to do when my delightful, huggable, delicious boys are gangly teenagers!?
I'm sure that stage will have its beauties, too. And I can always remember tonight.
It was worse when those trays materialized: meaty burritos with oodles of guacamole and corn smothered in butter and salt. I almost cracked. I came up with a dozen different arguments about why in this one instance it would be okay to give in. The boys ate a lot. I'm not being strict with them at all in public. If someone gives Ethan a sucker, I don't try to tell him not to eat it. That seems cruel. We just don't have suckers at home.
Yesterday and this morning, I imagined that my little men were wasting away, deprived by their radical, crazed mother insisting on a drastic vegan diet. Never mind that at last week's check up, both boys were well into the 90th percentiles in both height and weight. Never mind that my strong, healthy boys are so big, they don't even show up on the Mexican growth chart.
I let August have an Oreo with the team as lunch was ending. He had chocolate cookie smeared all over his face as only a toddler can. It smelled so incredibly good. Then he did the unimaginable. Instead of asking for another cookie, he reached for my kiwi. And after that bite, some of my salt-free vegetable soup that seemed to me such a poor substitute for guacamole smothered burritos. This morning at breakfast, he and Ethan both heartily ate an entire bowl full each.
I feel like the king in Daniel, suddenly surprised at the healthy looking young men who'd refused steak, wine, and fancy cheeses. This evening brought incredible freedom. My boys are healthy and strong. I made it past the mouth watering tortilla wrapped temptation. I remembered that I can eat frozen corn. It was a good night.
Friday nights are 1 of only 2 nights a week we usually spend at home. Ethan went outside to play with his friend. August wandered around doing Augusty things while I read a book. He played with some toy cars. He took a few pots out of the cupboard. He watched his brother play. Kyle, ipad in hand, sat in between on the couch. With his curly hair and beard, he was only missing a pipe and a tweed jacket with leather elbow pads to complete the perfect professorial archetype.
Later, I followed August to the backyard where we have a little plastic slide. Tiki would slide down into my lap. Then August would slide after him, landing in a pile of soft baby skin and fur. Again and again. August is so soft and kissable. He's just the right mix of tubby and strong.
I thought my heart my burst with pride when Ethan came home. His friend, "H", ran up to explain how a mean older girl slapped Ethan across the face when he refused to pick up her garbage. Ethan, cheek still red, came in with total dignity. He didn't tattle. He didn't whine. He didn't hit her back. He took his hit like a man.
Then he joined the slide game. Tiki first, Ethan on top of that, August finally lumbering up the ladder, awkwardly sitting at the top of the slide, then slowly, cautiously easing himself into gravity's hands, and landing in a lump on top of his brother, already shrieking with laughter.
It was such a beautiful moment. I willed the sun to stay up just a little longer. Kyle had to come turn on the back light before we came finally inside. As for man, his days are like the grass. They flourish like a flower of the field. The wind blows over it, and it is gone. It's place remembers it no more. I wish that I could keep tonight. I wish I could always feel August's soft cheek against my nose and Ethan's arms draped around my neck sighing, "Mommy, I love you up to the moon." I wish I could push a button and relive that moment any time I want. What am I going to do when my delightful, huggable, delicious boys are gangly teenagers!?
I'm sure that stage will have its beauties, too. And I can always remember tonight.
Friday, February 24, 2012
No Salt!
The Benefield family is on Day 3 of our Lent Experiment.
For 40 days, we are eating only:
beans (unsalted)
fresh tortillas (corn flour and water)
vegetables
fruit
nuts (unsalted)
whole grains (read plain oatmeal)
That's it.
Technically, I'm also letting the boys drink milk, eat cheese and yogurt, and accept outside food that other people offer them. Kyle has been drinking some tea, black coffee, and cold medicine.
I like Lent. I like the connection to tradition. I like buckling down and praying for God to do something truly amazing.
Christmas has SO much anticipation! The tree. Advent calendars. Presents. Stockings. Christmas songs. People start thinking about it in October. I love that anticipation. I enjoy the seasons of life, especially now that I live in a place that basically only has 2 seasons: hot and dry, hotter and wet. As a family, we've never really done much to anticipate Easter, which really should be the more important holiday.
I thought, what could build anticipation more than giving up our favorite treats for 40 days, involving the boys, explaining Lent to them, and doing the count down. Then Easter morning, we open up a big Easter basket of our favorite chocolates, etc. I'm kind of excited about it!
The reason I chose to leave out salt and other spices and flavorings is because to me, faith flavors all of life. I know this sounds so cheesy, but with Jesus, colors are brighter, music is more powerful, life has purpose and meaning. I wanted a symbolic reminder of what life would be like without him.
The other purpose that this fast serves for us is to remind us of how incredibly blessed we are. Millions and millions of people in the world live without access to the abundance and variety that we see as our right. Right here in our own colonia are lots of people who live on beans and tortillas. They salt the beans. And lard them. But the point remains.
Now, in the morning, I get up and sort all the rocks and dirt out of the beans. I walk down to the tortilla shop and buy tortillas. I walk to the fruit stand and buy veggies and fruit. It's good for me to remember that most people around here don't drive to the grocery store once a week. They don't have cars! They can't carry all those bags in their hands. It's a different way to shop.
So far the fast has been hardest on Ethan. While August happily scarfed down the plain oatmeal I made yesterday morning, Ethan really struggled. This morning, Daddy and I both ate 4 tortillas with mashed beans inside. August ate 3. Ethan only ate 1.
Unfortunately, we also all feel terrible. I thought that the boys and I were almost over our colds, when Kyle got a fever on Wednesday and spent all day Thursday in bed. Today Ethan has a fever. Ugh.
We'll see how our experiment goes. Ask me how excited about it I am in a few weeks.
For 40 days, we are eating only:
beans (unsalted)
fresh tortillas (corn flour and water)
vegetables
fruit
nuts (unsalted)
whole grains (read plain oatmeal)
That's it.
Technically, I'm also letting the boys drink milk, eat cheese and yogurt, and accept outside food that other people offer them. Kyle has been drinking some tea, black coffee, and cold medicine.
I like Lent. I like the connection to tradition. I like buckling down and praying for God to do something truly amazing.
Christmas has SO much anticipation! The tree. Advent calendars. Presents. Stockings. Christmas songs. People start thinking about it in October. I love that anticipation. I enjoy the seasons of life, especially now that I live in a place that basically only has 2 seasons: hot and dry, hotter and wet. As a family, we've never really done much to anticipate Easter, which really should be the more important holiday.
I thought, what could build anticipation more than giving up our favorite treats for 40 days, involving the boys, explaining Lent to them, and doing the count down. Then Easter morning, we open up a big Easter basket of our favorite chocolates, etc. I'm kind of excited about it!
The reason I chose to leave out salt and other spices and flavorings is because to me, faith flavors all of life. I know this sounds so cheesy, but with Jesus, colors are brighter, music is more powerful, life has purpose and meaning. I wanted a symbolic reminder of what life would be like without him.
The other purpose that this fast serves for us is to remind us of how incredibly blessed we are. Millions and millions of people in the world live without access to the abundance and variety that we see as our right. Right here in our own colonia are lots of people who live on beans and tortillas. They salt the beans. And lard them. But the point remains.
Now, in the morning, I get up and sort all the rocks and dirt out of the beans. I walk down to the tortilla shop and buy tortillas. I walk to the fruit stand and buy veggies and fruit. It's good for me to remember that most people around here don't drive to the grocery store once a week. They don't have cars! They can't carry all those bags in their hands. It's a different way to shop.
So far the fast has been hardest on Ethan. While August happily scarfed down the plain oatmeal I made yesterday morning, Ethan really struggled. This morning, Daddy and I both ate 4 tortillas with mashed beans inside. August ate 3. Ethan only ate 1.
Unfortunately, we also all feel terrible. I thought that the boys and I were almost over our colds, when Kyle got a fever on Wednesday and spent all day Thursday in bed. Today Ethan has a fever. Ugh.
We'll see how our experiment goes. Ask me how excited about it I am in a few weeks.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Lil Cutie
August is so stinkin cute! I can't take the cuteness some days.
Yesterday, both boys laid down for a nap. 20 minutes later, when I went to check on them, Ethan was passed out. But, August was laying happily in his crib singing to himself. Awww. He didn't cry at all, just smiled and me and kept on singing until he fell asleep.
This morning both boys were in the bathtub, and August kept trying to dump water on Ethan's head, but all the water would fall out before the bucket made it all the way up. After about the 15th try, August just started bonking Ethan on the head with the bucket.
We've also had some family Nerf fights since Ethan got both Kyle and I Nerf guns for our birthdays. Even August gets into it. Such a cute age. Wow.
Here's August's newest trick:
Before you get too impressed, if I ask him where his nose is, he still excitedly pats his head. ha ha ha
Yesterday, both boys laid down for a nap. 20 minutes later, when I went to check on them, Ethan was passed out. But, August was laying happily in his crib singing to himself. Awww. He didn't cry at all, just smiled and me and kept on singing until he fell asleep.
This morning both boys were in the bathtub, and August kept trying to dump water on Ethan's head, but all the water would fall out before the bucket made it all the way up. After about the 15th try, August just started bonking Ethan on the head with the bucket.
We've also had some family Nerf fights since Ethan got both Kyle and I Nerf guns for our birthdays. Even August gets into it. Such a cute age. Wow.
Here's August's newest trick:
Before you get too impressed, if I ask him where his nose is, he still excitedly pats his head. ha ha ha
Monday, February 13, 2012
Visitors' Suite
Last week, my parents got to be the first people to stay in our new suite. We love hosting visitors. We just love having people come visit us in general. My mom was pretty happy about not having to sleep on a bunk bed with Ethan.
Awwww, see how happy!
I really appreciate my parents. They are loving and supportive. It's hard work being a grandparent 3000 miles away from the nearest grandchild, but they do it.
I grew up in a really neat environment. We lived on Goat Hollow Road, half way between Indianapolis and Indiana University on five acres of woods. Once our house was broken in to... by a raccoon. I had a pet squirrel. I also had incredible parents who loved me and my sisters and cared for us and guided us well.
Since I posted about really trying to love Ethan well, something has changed. Maybe it's just my perception. Maybe I've just had more patience. Actually, since then, I've only gotten really mad at Ethan once. He and August were "napping," when I heard August cry. His entire face was covered in Ethan's spit! Even then, I later wished I would have reacted more calmly. I don't think Ethan realized how bad rude it is to spit in your baby brother's eye.
But, back to the change. Ethan has been SO sweet! SO SWEET! He's wonderfully helpful. He likes to wash the dishes now. I check them when he's done. Sure, he misses somethings, but I'd much rather rewash a cup or 2 instead of the whole pile!
Yesterday, the Golden Zone Sunday school teacher told me how amazed she was at Ethan's obedience. Yeah!! Although, the general attitude of Mexican parents toward discipline is really, really relaxed. But that's a post for a different day.
Thanks for coming to see us, Mom and Dad. You guys are the best.
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